Secret Santa’s secret: revealed!
Lately, I’ve been noticing an increase in strange happenings at Adcetera. During most of the year, we blame all unexplained phenomena on our resident ghost, Eva.
Judging from what I’ve seen lately, this is not her work.
It all started on December 1, when gifts suddenly started to appear—seemingly from nowhere, and from no one! I have been assured that this happens every year, and that there is no cause for alarm. They tell me it is the work of someone they call “Secret Santa.”
Me? I’m not buying it. Secret Santa, indeed! I smell a cover-up.
I’ve received reports from Rowan and Holly that gift cards materialized on their desks, as if by magic. Kristy was given a bottle of wine and some helpful how-to books. Andrew got a DVD player. A veritable arsenal of office-safe weaponry appeared on the second floor, and Renee even received The Gift of Fancy Unmentionables (the specifics of which shall remain unmentioned).
Reports of these random acts of giving are pouring in with such frequency, I can’t keep up … all flawlessly delivered with no evidence as to who the perpetrator might be. Nothing, save a slew of cards signed “Secret Santa.”
Obviously, fact-gathering and interviews were getting me nowhere. And after a few overnight stakeouts and a couple of wire traps baited with milk-n-cookies failed to catch this “Secret Santa” in action, I found myself faced with an obvious explanation. Santa is a ninja.
This whole “Secret Santa” thing is obviously just a smoke screen to conceal Santa’s true identity, and to cover up the fact that he’s using Adcetera to test out his ninja skills to make sure he’s ready for Christmas Eve.
Think about it. No one other than a ninja could sneak into millions of houses in a single night without detection. And how else can you explain this line from The Night Before Christmas:
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose.
See!?! Ninja. The only thing that would make that move more ninja would be if he threw a Christmas ornament at his feet, then disappeared in a flash of green and red glitter.
Secret Ninja Santa is out there, and he’s as real as the ghost that haunts our halls. He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. But what he doesn’t know is, I’m watching him, too.
I’m already on his “Bad List” for exposing him as a ninja, so I’ve got nothing to lose by revealing his secret identity when I finally crack this Christmas caper wide open!
Stay tuned, Adcetera. More news as it develops.